Heard on commercial airlines

The following are quotes heard on various Airlines over the years:

• "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing please take them with our compliments."
• "We do feature a smoking section on this flight: if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
• "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face, If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
• "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately"
• "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
• "Last one off the plane must clean it."