Hat tip to WhichAirline.com for posting this video from the Australian comedy show “The Chaser’s War on Everything” which shows just how bad (and perhaps how lax…) airport security has become.
A Lufthansa pilot reminisces…
Lufthansa Pilot to co-pilot, forgetting that the frequency was open: "We used to come up the Thames, and turn over here for the docks…."
Voice on frequency: "ACHTUNG SPITFEUR"
How far behind me is that 737…?
Posted on BusinessBalls from R Dillon:
A controller at the Nashville, Tennessee airport told me about an incident from several years ago when he cleared a Cessna 172 (4 seater small aircraft) for landing.
As the Cessna turned to final approach, an airliner called in ‘over the marker’ (5 miles from the airport). The Cessna was about a half mile from the runway, and the controller knew he could land and clear the runway well before the airliner would land, so he cleared the airliner to land as well.
A few seconds later, the Cessna pilot asked the controller: "How far behind me is that 737?"
Before the controller could respond, the airline pilot keyed his mike, and in a deep bass voice said: "Don’t look back!…"
When a band flocks near a runway…
Posted on Businessballs.com from S. Smith, Nov 2009:
I was working local control for the runway 25’s at LAX one afternoon and a pilot reported a ‘flock of seagulls’ on final approach. Without hesitation, I replied, "Was that the band or the birds?" I got absolutely no response from the pilot… I guess not everyone has a sense of humor!
Or maybe not everyone is a fan of 80s music… To further jog any memories (Also posted on Businessballs.com from J. Douglass, Nov 2009):
Pilot: "Boeing Tower, Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha for a Mercer Departure at Alpha Niner with information X-Ray."
Tower: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, runway 13 right, fly the Mercer departure."
Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, is rolling."
45 seconds later…
Co-Pilot: "Boeing tower, please be advised, there is a flock of seagulls near the south end of runway 13 right at 400 ft."
Tower: (singing) "And I ran, I ran so far away… I just ran, I ran all night and day… I had to get away.."
Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha has humor…"
Tower: (hysterical laughter)
Specifically and for pilots not familiar with 80s music, the lyric is from the following chorus of the 1982 hit song “I ran” by A Flock of Seagulls:
You have permission to cross the runway if…
Posted on Businessballs.com from R Brown:
I worked at an international airport in the Middle East a few years ago. A local hero there and an all round good egg, Tom, in the tower one day received a call from the electrical guys on their way to do their daily checks:
"Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
"Electric One, Tower. Hold."
A few seconds later, Tom receives another call: "Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
Tom replies: "Electric One, Tower. Hold."
A few seconds later, the same call again: "Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
Tom replies: "Electric One – If you look to your right you will see a Garuda 747 about to land. If you’ve got the balls you’ve got the permission."
After a couple of seconds: "Electric One – Holding."
Are you left, right or down the centre-line…?
A British Airways 737 touched down at Frankfurt-am-Main. The tower controller, obviously in frivolous mood, transmitted: "Speedbird 123. Nice landing Captain, But a little left of the centre-line, I think." Quick as a flash, the BA Captain replied in a cool English accent: "Roger Frankfurt Tower. Perfectly correct. I am a little to the left of the centre-line. And my co-pilot is a little to the right of it."