Humour

Hat tip to Julien for posting this bit of Frankfurt airport humour on the Plastic Pilot blog last year:

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign “Speedbird 206″.

Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”

Ground: “Speedbird 206, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944! — but I didn’t land.”

(As originally posted on the Fly With Blake Blog)

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He spots a man down below and lowers the balloon to speak with him. The balloonist gets close enough to speak with the man on the ground and shouts down to him, "Excuse me, but maybe you can help me. I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am."

The man on the ground responds, "No problem; you are in a hot air balloon
hovering about 30 feet above this field.
You are located at 26′ 04.4 North Latitude, and 80′ 09.2 West Longitude
and drifting slowly south."

You must be an airline pilot, says the balloonist.
"I am, how did you know?" replies the man on the ground.

"Well," says the balloonist,"everything you have told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of the information you gave me.
I am still lost, so you have done absolutely nothing to help me!"

The man on the ground says "You must be in airline management."
"I am"; replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well"; says the man on the ground, "you do not know where you are or
where you are going. You have made a promise that you cannot keep and you
expect me to solve your problems for you. The fact is that you are in the exact
same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

A student is taking his second lesson. His instructor tells him to keep the altimeter needles aligned to indicate 5,500 feet. As the aircraft slowly descends, the student pilot keeps his hand on the altimeter setting knob, constantly changing it to keep… 5,500 feet indicated.

(Courtesy of PlasticPilot)

An American flight starts its approach to an English airport:

APP: US123, descend to 5,000 feet, QNH 1024

US123: Uuuuh, we need that in inches

APP: US123, Roger. Descend to 60,000 inches, QNH 1024

(Courtesy of PlasticPilot)

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while Captain Kangaroo taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!"