From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight…!”
The future of online dating
I read this out at my wedding. For some unfathomable reason it didn’t go down as well as I expected it to. Plus, my wife doesn’t have a plane, hangar or any navigation skills. Still, I think it’s funny in a post-modern, pro-feminist, ironic sort of way.
A few reminders before disembarking
Flight attendant announcement:
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
"Also, the last one off the plane must clean it."
With our compliments…
Flight attendant announcement: "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
Sure, we enjoyed it…
After landing: "Thank you for flying ****** Airlines. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
You better choose now
From a flight attendant: "Welcome aboard Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public, unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”