Humour

Here’s some descriptions of airplanes run by various operating systems:

DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.

DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.

Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.

OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged–with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.

[Read more…] about Aircraft OSs

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern… we’ve already notified our caterers."

I’m from the FAA and I’m here to help you.

Me? I’ve never busted minimums.

We will be on time, maybe even early.

Pardon me, ma’am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

[Read more…] about The greatest lies in aviation