A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
New York versus T..e..x..a..s
A New York controller rattles off a really fast clearance. A Texan pilot replies: “You … hear … the … speed … I talk … well … that’s … the … speed … I … listen!”
What I need now
After a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: “The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we are through it now.” The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said “Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer.”
A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot. As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her to say: “Don’t forget the beer!”
Angelina Jolie vs. your wife
I saw a funny poster at Wellesbourne Mountford:
Wanted Good Woman
For marriage. Must have own plane and hangar. Please send picture of plane and hangar.
I got into some trouble when I quoted this in my speech at our wedding.
In related news, scientific experiments using a brain scanner have shown that a man fancies his wife more than Angelina Jolie.
If he had been a pilot, I’m not sure the result would have been so unequivocal. She is, after all, a fully-qualified Cirrus pilot. (Hat tip to Flying in Crosswinds.)
Not stupid
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f***ing bored!”
Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”
Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!”
The pilot rules
The PILOT always make THE RULES.
THE RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No CO-PILOT can possibly know all THE RULES.
If the PILOT suspects the CO-PILOT knows all THE RULES, he must immediately change some or all THE RULES.