Golf Hotel Whiskey

Golf Hotel Whiskey: for pilots and aviation enthusiasts

Humour

What you don’t want to hear

1. On an ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices…

2. Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 O’clock … He’s hot on our tail! …Eject! Eject!

5. As the plane turns around right after takeoff: … uhhhhh … We have to go back. … We… We… uhhhhhh …forgot something…

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Island in Sight

From the “Don’t get wise with us” file:

A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney, Australia, Approach Control…

Captain: “Good morning, Sydney. This is United XXX, we’re 50 miles out and have your island in sight …”

Approach Control: “Roger, United XXX. You’re cleared to circle the island twice, then it’s okay to land.”

World’s most alienating airport

Prague’s Franz Kafka International Airport was recently given the dubious distinction of being named the world’s most alienating airport by the Onion News Network which reports that passengers can expect an average delay of 31-hours while some unlucky passengers have waited for months to catch their flights. When an official airport spokesman was asked about the “situation,” he urged all passengers to follow “proper protocols” to avoid problems while anyone who wants to complain in writing is urged to send a letter to the hospital that they were born in…

For when we get lost

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, “Do you know what I use this for?” The navigator replied timidly, “No, what’s it for?” The pilot responded, “I use this on navigators who get me lost!” The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, “What’s that for?” “To be honest sir,” the navigator replied, “I’ll know we’re lost before you will.”

Noise at 35,000 feet

“TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”

“Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”

“Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”