Humour

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.

The aircraft were fastened to tie-downs with care,
In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.

I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.

A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
Called for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I’d have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick";

I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,
The better to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin’ left onto final."

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!

With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:

"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin’?

While controllers were sittin’, and scratchin’ their head,
They phoned to my office, and I heard it with dread,

The message they left was both urgent and dour:
"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,
Then I heard "Left at Charlie," and "Taxi to parking."

He slowed to a taxi, turned off of three-oh
And stopped on the ramp with a "Ho, ho-ho- ho…"

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,
I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.

His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost
And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,
A nd he puffed on a pipe, but he didn’t inhale.

His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,
His books were as black as a cop dusters belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,
And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred low- lead."

He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,
I knew he was anxious for drainin’ the sump.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.

He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,
Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.

And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,
These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.

He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,
Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell, "Clear!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,
He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.

"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,
Turn right three-two-zero at pilot’ s discretion."

He sped down the runway, the best of the best.
"Your traffic’s a Grumman, inbound from the west."

Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed through the night,
"Merry Christmas to all! I have traffic in sight."

(forwarded) by Bob Livingstone and again forwarded by Micheal Clayton and eventually posted here.

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa’s flying skills to the test…

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolph’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sled’s enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun.

“What’s that for?!?” asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, “I’m not supposed to tell you this ahead of time,” as he leaned over to whisper in Santa’s ear, “but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”

Originally posted here.

We have noted odd stories about critters like bats, scorpions and smuggled crocodiles getting loose aboard aircraft along with a snake popping out of a cockpit dashboard, but the Jerusalem Post and other media sources are reporting that there was another real life “Snakes on a Plane” incident that caused an emergency landing. Apparently, an EgyptAir flight bound for Kuwait had to land at Hurghada after the crew were alerted by a Jordanian passenger’s screams after being bitten by a snake concealed in his luggage.

The victim was immediately taken off the plane for medical treatment (which he refused), but don’t feel too sorry for him. Authorities say he is a Jordanian who owns a shop selling reptiles and he was smuggling the snake in his carry-on luggage. They also confiscated the snake (no word on what kind of snake it was) and Egypt Air is conducting an investigation into the incident.

This is not the not the first time a snake has found its way onto a commercial aircraft. Earlier this year, the Scottish SPCA had to be called after Glasgow airport staff found a stowaway reptile under seats on a flight from Cancun, Mexico.