Golf Hotel Whiskey

Golf Hotel Whiskey: for pilots and aviation enthusiasts

Humour

Magnum force: What a RAF pilot will do for ice cream…

The Sun has recently reported that some RAF airmen were seen emerging from a chopper on the beach at Winterton-on-Sea, Norfolk to head for the nearby Winterton Dunes Beach Café for ice cream – specifically three Magnum Classics and one white chocolate Magnum. Apparently, the café assistant asked what was going on and one crew member told him: “We’re all entitled to a tea break.”

Given we are in the midst of austerity, some readers were critical with one pointing out in the comments section that the chopper “consumes far much more fuel landing and taking off than in mid air or parked at an air base.” Otherwise and for what its worth to mention, I would point out that its unlikely the RAF took “tea breaks” for ice cream during the middle of Battle of Britain…

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When airport security succeeds…?

At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction…

The real job of a copilot…

I am the copilot. I sit on the right.
It’s up to me to be quick and bright;
I never talk back for I have regrets,
But I have to remember what the Captain forgets.

I make out the Flight Plan and study the weather,
Pull up the gear, stand by to feather;
Make out the mail forms and do the reporting,
And fly the old crate while the Captain is courting.

I take the readings, adjust the power,
Put on the heaters when we’re in a shower;
Tell him where we are on the darkest night,
And do all the bookwork without any light.

I call for my Captain and buy him cokes;
I always laugh at his corny jokes,
And once in awhile when his landings are rusty
I always come through with, "By gosh it’s gusty!"

All in all I’m a general stooge,
As I sit on the right of the man I call "Scrooge";
I guess you think that is past understanding,
But maybe some day he will give me a landing.

— Keith Murray

More German aviation terms…

For pilots thinking of flying to Germany, we mentioned a “useful” list of German aviation terms last week. Here are a few more:

PILOT—Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Tailschwingen Werker

PASSENGER—Der Dumbkopf Das Est Strappened En Der Baacken Mit Der Other Dumbkopfs Das Est Expecten To Leave Undgo On Scheduledtimen Und Arriven mit Der Luggagebags Somplaceneisen

STUDENT PILOT—Der Dumbkopf Das Learnen Fliegen Un Hopen To Jobenfinden Mit Der Airlinens

FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR—Der Timenbuilder Mit Less Den 1000 Hrs
Multienginefliegen. Teachen Dumbkopfs To Fliegen Vile Waitenwatchen Fer Der Letter Mit Der Joboffering Frum United

AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT—Das Grosse Overpaiden Und Under Werken Whinencomplainer Biggen Schmuck Dat Fliegen Mit Das Big Airlinen

PARACHUTE—Der Stringencotten Das Est Usen To Floaten Der Tailschwingen Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Werker Down To Earthen Ven Der Fliegenwagen Est Kaputen

FAA—Der Friggenfliegen Dumbkopf Schmucks Das Maken Alder Rulens Und Regulations

Helicopter — Der Flingen Wingen Maschinen mit der Floppen Bladens dot ist
Fliegen by der Dumbkopfs vas iss too Stupiden for Knowen dees Maschinens ees not Safen ver Fliegen.

German aviation terms…

For pilots thinking of flying to Germany, here is a “useful” list of German aviation terms:

AIRCRAFT—Der Fliegenwagen

JET TRANSPORT—Der Muchen Overgrossen Biggenmother Das Ist Fliegen
Highenfaster Mit All Der Mach Und Flightenlevels. (Built by Boeing)

PROPELLER—Der Airfloggen Pushenthruster

ENGINE—Der Noisenmaken Pistonpusher Das Turnens Der Airfloggenfan
Pushenthruster

JET ENGINE—Der Schreemen Skullschplitten Firespitten Smokenmaken
Airpushenbacken Thrustermaker Mit Compressorsqueezen Und Turbinespinnen
Bladenrotors. (Made by Pratt & Whitney)

CONTROL COLUMN—Der Pushenpullen Bankenyanken Schtick

RUDDER PEDALS—Der Tailschwingen Yawmaken Werks

No silver lining there…

“Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.”

-Pilot words of wisdom