Lufthansa Pilot to co-pilot, forgetting that the frequency was open: "We used to come up the Thames, and turn over here for the docks…."
Voice on frequency: "ACHTUNG SPITFEUR"
How far behind me is that 737…?
Posted on BusinessBalls from R Dillon:
A controller at the Nashville, Tennessee airport told me about an incident from several years ago when he cleared a Cessna 172 (4 seater small aircraft) for landing.
As the Cessna turned to final approach, an airliner called in ‘over the marker’ (5 miles from the airport). The Cessna was about a half mile from the runway, and the controller knew he could land and clear the runway well before the airliner would land, so he cleared the airliner to land as well.
A few seconds later, the Cessna pilot asked the controller: "How far behind me is that 737?"
Before the controller could respond, the airline pilot keyed his mike, and in a deep bass voice said: "Don’t look back!…"
When a band flocks near a runway…
Posted on Businessballs.com from S. Smith, Nov 2009:
I was working local control for the runway 25’s at LAX one afternoon and a pilot reported a ‘flock of seagulls’ on final approach. Without hesitation, I replied, "Was that the band or the birds?" I got absolutely no response from the pilot… I guess not everyone has a sense of humor!
Or maybe not everyone is a fan of 80s music… To further jog any memories (Also posted on Businessballs.com from J. Douglass, Nov 2009):
Pilot: "Boeing Tower, Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha for a Mercer Departure at Alpha Niner with information X-Ray."
Tower: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, runway 13 right, fly the Mercer departure."
Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha cleared for takeoff, is rolling."
45 seconds later…
Co-Pilot: "Boeing tower, please be advised, there is a flock of seagulls near the south end of runway 13 right at 400 ft."
Tower: (singing) "And I ran, I ran so far away… I just ran, I ran all night and day… I had to get away.."
Pilot: "Cessna 761 Uniform Alpha has humor…"
Tower: (hysterical laughter)
Specifically and for pilots not familiar with 80s music, the lyric is from the following chorus of the 1982 hit song “I ran” by A Flock of Seagulls:
You have permission to cross the runway if…
Posted on Businessballs.com from R Brown:
I worked at an international airport in the Middle East a few years ago. A local hero there and an all round good egg, Tom, in the tower one day received a call from the electrical guys on their way to do their daily checks:
"Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
"Electric One, Tower. Hold."
A few seconds later, Tom receives another call: "Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
Tom replies: "Electric One, Tower. Hold."
A few seconds later, the same call again: "Tower, Electric One. Request clearance to cross the runway at Yankee."
Tom replies: "Electric One – If you look to your right you will see a Garuda 747 about to land. If you’ve got the balls you’ve got the permission."
After a couple of seconds: "Electric One – Holding."
Are you left, right or down the centre-line…?
A British Airways 737 touched down at Frankfurt-am-Main. The tower controller, obviously in frivolous mood, transmitted: "Speedbird 123. Nice landing Captain, But a little left of the centre-line, I think." Quick as a flash, the BA Captain replied in a cool English accent: "Roger Frankfurt Tower. Perfectly correct. I am a little to the left of the centre-line. And my co-pilot is a little to the right of it."
Alec Baldwin mocks pilots and American Airlines on Saturday Night Live…
Actor Alec Baldwin, who recently got booted off an American Airlines flight for behaving badly, has appeared on Saturday Night Live’s "Weekend Update" segment dressed as an American Airlines captain wearing the three-stripe uniform of a first officer in order to apologize to himself.
However and in case you are in a location, most likely anywhere outside the USA, where you can’t watch the video, the segment is also available on Youtube here – until the copyright police pull them! Likewise, we have included the full transcript below as it appeared in the Dallas Morning News’ Airline Biz Blog.
Seth Meyers: "On Wednesday of this week, actor Alec Baldwin was kicked off an American Airlines flight after he refused to turn off his phone and stop playing ‘Words with Friends.’ Now here to comment, the pilot of that flight, Capt. Steve Rogers. Thanks so much for coming, captain."
Alec Baldwin: "Thanks for having me, Seth."
MEYERS: "So, Capt. Rogers, what’s your take on the events of last Wednesday?"
BALDWIN: "It was awful, Seth, which is why it was very important for me to come here tonight and, on behalf of everyone at American Airlines, issue an apology to Mr. Alec Baldwin."
MEYERS: In a stage whisper ("Alec, are you sure this is the right way to handle this?")
BALDWIN: ("Yeah, yeah, keep going, keep going.")
MEYERS: "So let me get this straight – you, Capt. Rogers, want to apologize to Alec Baldwin."
BALDWIN: "Yes, Mr. Baldwin is an American treasure, and I am ashamed at the way he was treated. I mean, what harm would it do to let him keep playing his game. Not any game, mind you, but a word game for smart people."
MEYERS: "But, Capt. Rogers, don’t phones interfere with the plane’s communications systems?"
BALDWIN: "Oh, you don’t believe that, do you, Seth? Would you really get on a plane that flew 30,000 feet in the air if you thought one Kindle switch could take it down? C’mon! It’s just a cruel joke perpetrated by the airline industry. We would have gotten away with it, but Alec Baldwin was just too smart for us. He really is something, Seth."
MEYERS: ("Seriously, Alec, I just don’t think this is…")
BALDWIN: ("Keep going, keep going.")
MEYERS: "But didn’t Alec Baldwin getting kicked off the airplane delay the takeoff?"
BALDWIN: "It did. It did. And it was the first time in the history of American Airlines that one of our flights was delayed. C’MON, SETH! We’re bankrupt. How dare we speak ill of the great Alec Baldwin and we can’t even take off on time?"
MEYERS: "It was also reported Alec Baldwin slammed the bathroom door so loudly that you could hear it in the cockpit."
BALDWIN: "Now, Seth, Words with Friends can be frustrating, and again, I just started to play the game myself. But when you think you’re about to play ‘JAILERS’ off of someone’s ‘QUICHE’ and then you realize that you don’t have the ‘I,’ let me tell you, that’ll make you slam the bathroom door, too. Besides, when I go to the bathroom on a plane, I always want that door slammed nice and tight, doesn’t everyone? Gee willikers!"
MEYERS: "Ok, Alec, this is too much. I don’t want to be part of this any more."
BALDWIN: "Seth, I’m not Alec. Do you hear me? But I wish I was. That man’s a hero, a smart hero."
MEYERS: (Sending Alec Baldwin off camera) "Capt. Steve Rogers!"
BALDWIN: "Y’all fly safe now."