An old fighter pilot was telling a high school class about dogfighting with German fighters during the war. The pilot went on and on about fighting the Fokkers when the teacher interrupted and told the class that the Fokker was a model of German fighter. The pilot said: "Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitt…."
A pilot should never make assumptions about airports….
Allegedly overheard by a pilot while waiting for passengers to board his island-hopper, July 2010, Penzance field, UK:
Visiting light aircraft (in a posh English accent): "Penzance tower, Cessna Light G123 request approach instruction and landing?"
Penzance tower (in a broad Scottish accent): "G123, Penzance tower welcome to my airspace, sadly we are not accepting your class, divert on heading and contact approach on Lands End."
Visiting light aircraft: "Penzance tower, negative, request approach instructions, my landing approved earlier, I’m with my partner and will be landing for the day."
Penzance tower: "G123, that is still a negative. Penzance field is a heliport. I strongly suggest diverting to Lands End airfield."
Visiting Aircraft: "Penzance tower, please confirm heading to Lands End…."
Photo caption: Please don’t look outside the windows on the right side…
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. First, I’d like to thank you for choosing to fly Mandarin Airlines. As we taxi out to the runway please make yourself comfortable… and for those of you sitting on the right side of the plane… please look to your LEFT!”
No frills airlines get even worst…
Those no frills or low cost airlines like Ryan Air just keep getting worst as this video shows:
Guess which airline this flight attendant works for?
A guy sitting at an airport bar in Calgary noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she is so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant! But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned toward her and uttered the Delta Slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Nope, not Delta."
He leaned towards her again: "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the United slogan, "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?"
This time the woman savagely turned to him and barked: "What the &#@* do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said….:
"Ahhh, Air Canada!”
As you exit the aircraft, please remember to…
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."