Hat tip to Devesh Agarwal finding and posting this humorous video of an American Airlines pilot thinking his aircraft’s movement is more important than that of a VIP (“What’s that?”) – which turned out to be Air Force One:
What’s the best way to spot a pilot imposter?
A 61-year-old named Philippe Jernnard LaRocelle boarded a flight in Philadelphia as a ticketed passenger dressed in what appeared to be an Air France pilot’s uniform, and managed to talk his way into a jump-seat behind the captain’s seat. Since the man did not have any credentials to verify his Air France employment, he was asked to leave the cockpit and law enforcement was alerted.
Police found Air France decals and a fake crew badge in his bags – leading to criminal trespassing, breaking into a structure, forgery-alter writing, tampering with records or ID, false impression and false identification to law enforcement charges (plus a $1 million bail).
The stunt bears a passing resemblance to what Frank Abagnale did in the 1960s when he impersonated a Pan Am pilot and was able to fly around the world to 26 countries seated in the cockpit’s jump seat. His adventures were turned into a Broadway play and movie entitled: Catch Me if You Can.
Terry Maxon, the blogger behind the Dallas Morning News’ Airline Biz Blog, suggested asking the following questions to spot a fake pilot:
Question: How much does the USA Today newspaper cost?
Correct answer: “I don’t know. I’ve never bought one.”Question: Do you have a pen from a hotel?
Correct answer: “Yes. Here it is.”
However, he got an email from a pilot suggesting to ask this question:
Question: How many “slam-clicks” did you have at your last overnight stay?
Answer: Depends on the pilot, but the pilot’s a fake if he or she looks bewildered.
According to the pilot’s email, you just need to ask a pilot (assuming it’s a “male” pilot!) how many “slam-clicks” he had amongst his flight attendant crew on their last overnight stay somewhere; but if the “pilot” asks what a slam-click is, he’s an imposter:
Every true airline pilot knows that a ‘slam-click’ is a flight attendant that declines to take in the town with the pilots and other flight attendants while on a scheduled overnight stay somewhere. They prefer to stay in their hotel room, closing the door (slam) and then locking it (click).”
With that said, are there any other ideas about how to spot a “fake pilot”?
Are you a confused pilot…?
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he’s flying, and about flying when he’s with a woman…
British Army answering machine message…
Thank you for calling the British Army. I’m sorry, but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call.
Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers:
- If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.
- If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good hotels and can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs, please press 2 for the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after 1630 or weekends.)
- If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a warship, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first class marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Royal Navy, Whitehall, London SW1.
Are you superman…?
Muhammad Ali: Superman don’t need no seat belt.
Flight Attendant: Superman don’t need no airplane, either.
— quoted by Clifton Fadiman, ‘The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes,’ 1985.
Have a cup of tea and wait…?
Leader, bandits at 2 o’clock!
Roger; it’s only 1:30 now—what’ll I do ‘til then?
— The Bill Waterson comic character Calvin, of ‘Cavin and Hobbes.’ fame.